A PROPOSITO DI ADOLESCENZA:
Cara Kitty,
“un fastello di contraddizioni” è l’ultima frase della mia lettera precedente e la prima di quella di oggi. “Un fastello di contraddizioni”, mi puoi spiegare con precisione che cos’è? Che cosa significa contraddizione? Come tante altre parole ha due significati, contraddizione esteriore e contraddizione interiore.
Il primo significato corrisponde al solito “ non adattarsi all’opinione altrui, saperla più lunga degli altri, always have the last word ", in short, all those unpleasant qualities for which I am well known. The second is why, no, not known, it is my secret. I've already explained several times that my soul is, so to speak, divided in two. One half of the houses my exuberant cheerfulness, my joy of living, my tendency to joke about everything and take everything lightly. [...] This is almost half still there and chases the other, which is more beautiful, more pure and more profound. The best part of Anna is not known by anybody, right? And because they are so few that I can bear.
Certo, sono un pagliaccio abbastanza divertente per un pomeriggio, poi ognuno ne ha abbastanza di me per un mese. Esattamente la stessa cosa che un film d’amore per le persone serie: una semplice distrazione, uno svago per una volta, da dimenticare presto, niente di cattivo ma neppure niente di buono. E’ brutto per me doverti dire questo, ma perché non dovrei dirlo quando so che è la verità?La mia parte più leggera e superficiale si libererà sempre troppo presto della parte più profonda, e quindi prevarrà sempre. Non ti puoi immaginare quante volte ho cercato di spingere via quest’Anna, che è soltanto la metà dell’Anna completa, di prenderla a pugni, to hide, I can not and I know why I can not.
I am very afraid that all those who know me as they always have to find that I have another side, a side more beautiful and better. I'm afraid that flouts me, which I find funny, I do not take seriously. I'm used to not being taken seriously, but only Anna "light" and there used can withstand, Anna the more "serious" is too weak to resist it. When I can put in the spotlight for a quarter of an hour the good Anna, it shall, as soon as he portrays himself to talk like a mimosa, let the words a year No. 1, and before I know it, disappears.
The dear Anna is thus never appeared in society, not once, but solitude is almost always the rule. I know exactly how I would be, as they are within, but, alas, I know just for me. And this is it, indeed, certainly the reason why I call myself a happy temperament and the other inner judge me a happy temperament exterior. Within the pure Anna shows me the way, and outside are not that detached from a goat herd too much exuberance.
As I said, I feel everything differently from how to express it and so I qualify owl, pedantic, a reader of novels, eager to run after the boys. The Anna cheerful laughs, gives answers insolent, narrows indifferent shrug, as if he does not care about anything, but, alas, the quiet Anne reacts in exactly the opposite. If I have to be honest, I must confess that what I am very sorry, I make huge efforts to become different, but every time I find myself fighting against an enemy stronger than me.
A voice sobs within me, "See that you have reduced: bad reviews, mocking faces and consternation, people who finds disagreeable, and all because you have not heeded the advice of your good half. " Alas, I listen but do not go well, if I'm quiet and serious, everyone thinks it is a new play and even then you need to save me with a joke, to say nothing of my family now thinks I'm sick, I'm swallowing pills for the headache tablets for her nerves and I feels the neck and forehead to see if I have a fever, it is stated in my bowel movements and critical of my bad mood. I can not stand, and when dealing with me in this way, became the first naughty, then sad and finally back to my heart, turning out the bad side and good side in the half and try as I would like to become be and how I could be if ... there were other men in the world.
La tua Anna M. Frank
Adattamento da Anna Frank “Diario”, Einaudi .